Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just pee around me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
