Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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