I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
