Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hippo gnu deer
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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