She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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