do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
