the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
