evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
