i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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