So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
