I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
