I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
