sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize