and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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