the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You pole danced in your parka.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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