I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
