I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
