wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you traded sex for a burrito?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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