I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
