Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
