he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
