There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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