JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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