I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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