She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
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UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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