I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
