she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
