If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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