Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
