lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
