apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i believe in u and ur pee
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
