Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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