Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
