make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
