Michael Bay diarrhea
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
