Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
