I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
