So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Im part way to drunk.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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