There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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