hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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