she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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