also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize