This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
