I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
