I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think my moral compass just broke
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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