i just had sex bonerless
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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