her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
