I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Will you blow on my dice?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize