I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
