I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
