I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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