The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
