I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
