Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
