matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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