Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
