I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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