East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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