He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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