Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
