she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
