Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize