I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?