we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.