This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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