walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me