Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.