Where did you get a picture of my penis
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out