How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends